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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

SMS Chat-up Lines

+++Put your crash helmet on, you're going through the head board.

+++Do you believe in love at first sight...or do I have to walk by again?

+++There's a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it!

+++I'm not Fred Flintstone but I can make your bedrock!

+++Wanna play Pearl Harbor? That's where I lay down and you blow the hell out of me.

+++Hey let's go fuck and do the talking later.

+++Girl, how long have you been in the oven, because I know I felt something rising.

+++Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?

+++Here's 10p ring home and tell your mum that you wont be coming home tonight!

+++I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your flat?

+++Your daddy must have been a hunter because you're a fox!

+++Hey, is your dad a terrorist? Coz baby, you're the bomb!

+++Do you want to go and do what I'm going to tell my mates we did anyway?

+++I looked up sexy in the dictionary today and your name was listed

+++I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

+++Is it hot in here or is it you?

+++Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

+++If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

+++Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

+++How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

+++I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.

+++My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.

+++Get your coat love, you've pulled.

+++I didn't believe in angels until I meet you!

+++I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

+++You are so hot, its girls like you that are the real reason for global warming

+++Hi, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

+++Hi, my name's Richard, will you be my Pretty Woman?

+++Have you ever been to the moon ? No ! Sit on my rocket and I will take you there

+++If its cash you’re after drop your drawers and the moneys yours

+++Was you father a cement mixer? Because you sure make me hard.

+++Can you fix watches? Then put 2 hands on that!

+++I'm like Domino's Pizza, if you don't come in 30 minutes the next one is free...

+++You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

+++Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

+++Do you like jewelry? Suck this, it's a gem!

+++You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

+++do u believe in love at first site or do I have to walk by again

+++if I said u had a hot body would u hold it against me

+++My magical watch says you aren't wearing any underwear!
Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.

+++"r ur legs tired"? coz uve been runnin through my mined all day

+++There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another?

+++if i cood re arrange da alphabet i wood put u and i together

+++ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight?

+++is youre father a robber ? well who stole the stars and put them in ure eyes ?

+++U gotta B a parking ticket or something coz u got the word FINE written All over ya!

+++im no fred Flintstone but I’ll make ur bedrock

Thursday, November 15, 2007

SMS Quotes

As a final incentive before giving up a difficult task, try to imagine it successfully accomplice by someone you violently hate

There is no substitute for hard work.

Duty pays you. Safety saves you.

Take time to look- it is price of success

Take time to think-it is a source of power

Take time to read-it is a source of wisdom

Take time to be friendly-it is a way of happiness

Between two evils choose neither. Between two goods, choose both

The shortest way to do many things is to do a single thing at a time.

Think you are well, and all that is well with you. And nature will read your thoughts and make them true

Be true to yourself and others. Do not try to appear better or greater than what you are.

Troubles which are tackled instead of being talked about, disappear like mist before the morning sun

Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.

Forget injuries, but never forget kindness

Learn something new each day-keep your eyes, ears and most of your entire mind open.

Pray as if everything depends on work as if everything depends on you.

In success and failure, in sunshine and rain, in prosperity and adversity be at peace with the world and with yourself.

The way you manage your time determines your success or failure as a man.

Honour the chief. There must be a head of everything.

Be glad and rejoice in the other fellow's success. Study his methods.

Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but don't relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.

Do not express dislike for a person when (s)he is not present to offer a defence.

Prayer is the first duty in life; and to plead lack of time for it is an insult to GOD.

Who agree like bell; they want nothing but hanging.

Anger is a short madness. Don't allow it to ruin longstanding reactions.

Nothing is bad but it might have been worse.

Loyalty to friends and loyalty to certain basic principles are essential to success in any sphere.

Instead of feeling inferior because someone else can do something you cannot do, concentrate on what you can do that others cannot.

To be angry is to revenge the fault of others on us

As heat conserved is transmitted into energy, so can anger controlled can be transmitted into a power which can move the world.

Our errors are steps on the way.

A fool may be known by six things :anger without cause, speech without profit, change without progress, enquiry without object, putting trust in a stranger, mistaking foes for friends.
DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THE ABOVE QUALITIES??????

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for wt you are not.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

You will never find time for any thing. If you want time you must find it.

If you want people to think well of you do not speak well of yourself.

Our prayers should be for blessing in general, for God knows best what is good for us.

If you shed tears when you miss the sun; you also miss the stars.

You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else for it.

ANGER is only one letter shorter than DANGER.

The man who has done less than his best have done nothing.39.The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

Think more about what you can make happen than about what happens to you.

Stand for truth even at the expense of losing popularity.

For every minute of anger you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you0D

Failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.

Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble.

Be clean in all matters and you will never be ashamed.

Saying "I did not find time " shows you did not WISH to do it.

People who believe a problem can be solved tend to become busy solving it.

If you don't think every day is a good day try missing one!

Learn to hide your heartaches and woes under a pleasant smile.

Every good thought is a star which leads you on, shining in the dark, making your pathway radiant.

Those who do not have goals are doomed to work for those who do.

Be thankful if you have a job that is harder than you like. A razor cannot be sharpened on velvet.

When you long for something, it means you love it.

DON'T ever give up before you have solved the problem you are facing.

Don't say things. What you are stands over you and thunders, so nobody would hear what you say on the contrary.

Think that day lost whose descending son has seen no worthy action done.

We weave a tangled web when we first practise to deceive.

Love is only chatter. Friends are all that matters.

The heart has its reasons, which, reason does not know.

Tomorrow I will live, the fool says. Today is too late. The wise lived yesterday.

It is better to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad.

The more hot arguments you win the more good friends you lose.

Face the situation fearlessly and soon there will be no situation to face.

Mistakes fail in their missin of helping the person who blames them on others.

Do not worry about failure. Worry about all the chances you miss when you don't try.

Be sure you are right and then go ahead.

That sorrow is heavy which bows the head, when love is alive and hope is dead.

The truth that's told with bad intent beats all lies you can invent.

In life knowing how to lose is just as important as knowing how to win.

Think in the morning, do it in the afternoon, eat in the evening, sleep in the night.

If hardwork is you weapon then success will be you slave.

Women's heart is soft but if it becomes hard, a diamond also cannot stand it.

Though you are travelling on the right path, if you take unnecessary breaks others will push you back.

Thankfulness should be expressed, but you shouldn't ask for it.

Love is all in fire and yet freezing,

Love is much in wining , but is more in loosing.

Love is ever sick and yet is never dying,

Love is ever true and yet is ever lying,

Love does oath in liking and is mad in loathing,

Love indeed is everything, yet indeed is nothing.

It is important to follow rules rather than to make rules.

A person in front of whom you dare to be yourself is your true friend.

Never express to the world what you can do. Show the world by doing it.

See that you are needed to at least one person in life.

It is better for us to feel bad rather than to make others feel bad.

What you don't like happening to yourself, don't do it to others.

Miracles do occur, but one has to work hard for them to happen.

Show appreciation of the smallest services by your loved ones and employees.

The higher we are places, the more humble should we walk.

It is attitude rather than your aptitude which determines your altitude.

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts and don't put on with people who are reckless with yours.

Don't waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes behind. The race is long and in the end its only with yourself.

Be nice to you sibling. They are your best link to your past.

Understand that friends come and go. But you should hold on to a precious few.

Don't expect anyone else to support you at any point.

Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today.

Be prepared and some day your chance will come.

Watch the sun rise at least once a year.

Be there when people need you.

When I hear someone say "life is heard" I am tempted to ask "compared to what"-Sydney J Harris.

If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble upon something-Gertrude Stein.

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer-R W Emerson.

Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is some light near by.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Shoot for the moon... cause even if you miss you will end up in the stars-Les Brown.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.


I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.


Sarcasm is just one more service we offer


If I throw a stick, will you leave?


You!... Off my planet!

The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.


Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?


Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.


A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.


Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.


Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.


Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last!

I’m not under d affluence of alcohol as some tinkle peep. I’m not half as think as u drink.

How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?


Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

What is similar to a woman's period?
Ur salary - coz it comes once a month, last about 5 to 6 day and if it doesn't come it means u r in deep trouble.

Do u ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than u is an idiot and everyone driving faster than u is a maniac?


The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.


I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks


If I told you that you remind me of my mom, would you tuck me in bed tonight?


I'm sweet like sugar, soft like suede, but unlike Nintendo, I never get played.

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Coz they heard every fourth child born is Chinese.


Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.


Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."

"If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"

"Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines."

"Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbour’s vacation and finding out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony."

"He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news."

"At school we had a name for guys who were 'trying to get in touch with themselves'."

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like."

"It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't."

"Mr Anaesthetist, if the patient can stay awake, surely you can."

"There's no bigger fan of the opposite sex than me, and I have the bills to prove it."

"The flashier kind of widow may insist only sleeping with black men during the first year after death."

All I ever wanted is what others have.

Laugh on your one and the world thinks you are an idiot.

A kiss that says it all is seldom a first edition.

Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away!

It is better to be fair than to be popular!

The strongest muscle of the human body is the tongue.

Time is something that makes sure that everything does not happen at the same moment.

Life is not short, it is being dead that lasts such a long time!

I intend to live for ever and so far everything goes well.

I see things the way they are and say: Why? .................. I dream of things that never were and say: Why not?

Life is what happens when you plan to do other things -- John Lennon

Copernicus said:” men with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts."

Law of Murphy..... Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong sooner or later......Murphy was an optimist.

It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

A lot of people are in pain out of fear to be happy

A lot of people were never happy because they thought it had yet to come.

A laugh is the shortest distance between two people.

I want to die sleeping, just like my grandfather ..... Not yelling and

He said:” I thank you for the wonderful talk." ... I had only been listening.

When your youngest child needs sex education, you have badly informed your elder children on the subject.

The heart and the brain are neighbours, but they will never be friends.

The present is just as mysterious as the future.

People who do not want to be disturbed, usually already are disturbed.

You can close your eyes for certain facts, but not for the memories.

Friendly words do not have to be long, the echo never dies.

Woman know that they are not that pretty any more when they have nothing to wear.

What do you have to do when you fall into a river with a sign "Forbidden to swim?"

Be yourself, there are enough other people.

SMS Profundities


♣♣Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

♣♣A lawyer says 'we' won' or 'You' have lost.

♣♣All computers wait at the same speed.

♣♣Real anarchists play chess without kings.

♣♣Monday is one seventh of your life!

♣♣When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness!
♣♣Aiming to remain good sports, we park as close as possible near the sports centre.

♣♣Money resembles fat... there is plenty of it, but always in the wrong places.

♣♣No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it.

♣♣Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!

♣♣Richness has eternal value if we use it to make others happy.

♣♣Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die...

♣♣There are days that nothing goes your way, but does it help to complain? No, not a bit. So, stand up to it, list all the points and put your shoulders to the wheel, even worries go away.

♣♣Learn to live every moment of happiness, are never too busy to receive or give love.

♣♣We have to make a choice, the truth or the appearances. You can loose yourself if you are never you.

♣♣The sea consists of water drops, the sand dunes of grains of sand, time of moments, use them with common sense!

♣♣Today is the day ... It comes only once- ... because tomorrow ...is no longer today. Enjoy life... it is possible ...but do it today ... because today is the day

♣♣When you yell 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough energy to warm one cup of coffee. ( Niet echt de moeite dus!)

♣♣You can't walk in the light without causing a shadow

♣♣Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS

♣♣If you hit every time the target is too near or too big.

♣♣The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes

♣♣The secret of success lies not in doing your own work but in recognizing the right man to do it.

♣♣People are not afraid of how bad you are, People are afraid of how good you are.

♣♣Trains never follow the schedule, they follow the rails

♣♣The one who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, the one who does not ask, remains a fool for ever

♣♣It is better to know everything of one subject, than to know something of everything.

♣♣The past becomes longer and longer and the future shorter and shorter, the hope in the future is bigger than the regrets for the past

♣♣Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly !

♣♣Getting an other boyfriend or husband is like buying a house. You have to improve yourself.

♣♣When you choose not to make a choice, you do choose because you choose not to choose.

♣♣Life is hard, learn from the mistakes of others and not of your own mistakes !

♣♣When you turn you nose 180 degrees, you would drown when it rains

♣♣Children in the backseat cause accidents... Accidents in the back seat cause children.

♣♣People wasted a lot of time talking about who came first, the chicken or the egg, but it was surely the cock.

♣♣Life is hard, but the front of a train is harder...

♣♣Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!

♣♣Life is like toilet paper, long and useful !!!!

♣♣A fart is nothing more than a lost cough.

♣♣One day you will find the woman of your life and at that point you will already be married.

♣♣I only drink to make my wife look prettier.

♣♣It is weird that my nose is running and my feet smell.

♣♣Love is blind, ladies' underwear is brailed

♣♣Love based on beauty, dies along with the beauty.

♣♣Be nice to those who smoke, every cigarette may be their last.

♣♣Boredom was the other word for a safe and undisturbed life.

♣♣Do not keep hanging in the past, do not dream of the future, but concentrate on the present.

♣♣Light is faster than sound. That is why people look intelligent, until you hear them speak.

♣♣All mushrooms are eatable. But some you can only eat once.

♣♣Nature is a miracle. One million years ago no one knew people would wear glasses but our ears are at the right spot.

♣♣A pessimist is someone who believes that women are frivolous. An optimist is someone who hopes for this.

♣♣Every good-bye is the birth of a memory

♣♣Every married man knows why they name hurricanes after women

♣♣Common sense and a sense of humour are the same things but at different speeds. A good sense of humour is just common sense that dances.

♣♣I believe that there is life after death. But I do not think I will live it.

♣♣There are so many things I have to do, that I should better go to sleep.

♣♣You may not be too hard on my secretaries. They are sweet and understanding when I arrive at the office after having a tough day at home.

♣♣Only 17% of all traffic accidents was caused by drunk drivers, so the other 83% was caused by, yes you got it....the sober ones among us!!

♣♣What do you have in common with your husband ? " We married on the same day."

♣♣Good advice, whatever happens, make it look like to intend to.

♣♣Words of a client in an antique shop: do you have anything new ?


Laws of Sex


  1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
  2. Nothing improves with age.
  3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
  4. Sex has no calories.
  5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
  6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
  7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
  8. No sex with anyone in the same office.
  9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
  10. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
  11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
  12. Virginity can be cured.
  13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
  14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
  15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
  16. Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
  17. It is always the wrong time of month.
  18. The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
  19. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
  20. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
  21. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
  22. The younger the better.
  23. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
  24. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
  25. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
  26. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
  27. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
  28. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
  29. Love is a hole in the heart.
  30. If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
  31. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
  32. Do it only with the best.
  33. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
  34. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
  35. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
  36. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  37. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
  38. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
  39. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
  40. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
  41. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
  42. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
  43. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
  44. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
  45. Never say no.
  46. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
  47. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
  48. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
  49. Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
  50. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
  51. Love comes in spurts.
  52. The world does not revolve on an axis.
  53. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
  54. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  55. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
  56. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
  57. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
  58. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
  59. "This won't hurt, I promise."

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

SMS Story

  • Jelly Baby goes 2 the Dr & says "Dr i've got aids" Dr replys "U cant have aids ur a jelly Baby" Jelly Baby says "yes but Dr i've been sleepin wiv ALLSORTS!
  • Chicken and egg in bed,chicken has head on pillow smoking.Egg rolls over annoyed saying"i guess we answered that question"
  • A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes to heaven first?"A child replies"feet- coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!
  • Little Girl:"Mommy I just found out that the little boy next door has a penis like a peanut" Mommy:"u mean its small?"Little Girl:"No its salty"
  • An essex girl has a car crash and an ambulance arrives.the paramedic asks 'how many fingers have i got up?'the girl replies- oh no i think im paralised too

SMS Pick-up Lines

~~Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

~~I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

~~I'm good at math, U+I=69

~~I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not
I'm allergic to sex.

~~If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

~~If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK

~~Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

~~Please help the homeless. Take me home with you...

~~Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it
sure ain't floppy.

~~What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

~~Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.

~~Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

~~You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

~~You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?

~~Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever
saw.

~~Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

~~Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

~~Baicarumba...are those real?

~~Be unique and different, just say yes.

~~Can I flirt with you?

~~Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

~~Do you know karate? Cos damn it honey, your body is really kickin.

~~Excuse me. I'm from the FBI, the Fine Body Investigators, and I'm going to have to
ask you to assume the position.

~~Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?

~~Greetings and salivations

~~Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

~~I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

~~I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

~~I've just moved you to the top of my 'to do' list.

~~If you don't wanna have kids with me, then why don't we just practice?

~~Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

~~That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed.

~~Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

~~Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly colour coordinated.

~~I know a great way to burn off the calories in that cake you just ate.

~~I wonder what our children will look like.

~~I'm wearing Revlon colourstay lipstick. Wanna help me test the claim it won't kiss
off?

~~If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I'd have
five cents.

~~If you were a car, I'd wax and ride you all over town.

~~If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning".

~~It must be cold in here - or are you just happy to see me?

~~Since sex is a killer, would ya like to die happy?

~~That's a nice shirt. Can I talk you out of it?

~~The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.

~~There gotta be a keg in your pants, coz I wanna tap that ass.

~~There's this movie I wanted to see and my mom said I couldn't go by myself.

~~Was your Father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?

~~You're so hot, your ass is on fire.

~~Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

~~I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

~~Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled...

~~I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

~~If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.

~~There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name.

~~Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them
in your eyes.

~~What time do you have to be back in heaven?

~~Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

~~You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

~~You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can
breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

~~You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

~~You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

~~You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast.

~~Do you have a Bandaid? Cos I just scraped my knee falling for you.

~~Do you have a map? Cos Honey, I just keep gettin lost in your eyes.

~~Do you think I could borrow that dress sometime?

~~Girl, you gotta be tired coz you been runnin through my mind all day.

~~Got two nipples for a dime?

~~Help, somethings wrong with my eyes - I just can't take them off you.

~~Hey baby, you must be a light switch, coz every time I see you, you turn me on!

~~Hi, I'm the new Milkman. Do you want it in the front or the back?

~~I think I feel like Richard Gere - I'm standing next to you, the Pretty Woman.

~~I'm sick. My medicine is to talk to you.

~~Was you Father an Alien? Cos honey on planet earth there's nothing else like you!

~~You're eyes are bluer than the atlantic ocean and baby, I'm all lost at sea.

~~You're like a dictionary - you add meaning to my life!

~~You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

~~Damn, if being sexy was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!

~~Do you want to see something swell?

~~Do you work for UPS / ParcelForce? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my
package.

~~Have I seen you before? Oh, yeah, I remember - it was in the dictionary under the
word FANBLEEDINGTASTIC!

~~Hey I'm looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?

~~Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap hotel room
across the street.

~~Hi. I'm an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus.

~~I have 4 words for you "Hol I Day Inn".

~~If I flip a coin, what do you reckon my chances are of getting head?

~~If you think Chewbacca is hairy, wait till you see my Wookie.

~~Is your name Summer? 'Cause you are as hot as hell.

~~Screw me if I'm wrong, but I could swear you were Julia Roberts.

~~The word of the day is "legs." Let's say we head back to your place and spread the
word.

~~You've been a bad, bad girl (boy). Now go to my room!

~~Your Daddy must play the trumpet, cos he sure made me horny!

~~Do I know you from somewhere, because I don't recognize you with your clothes on?

~~Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

~~I bet you $40 you're gonna turn me down.

~~I know that Milk does the body good, but wow, how much you been drinking?

~~I'd like to name a multiple orgasm after you.

~~I'm betting that you cannot wait until tomorrow, because I bet that you get more
and more beautiful every day.

~~Save a horse, ride a cowboy.

~~Seriously honey, sex is like Pizza. Even if it bad, it still pretty darn good.

~~When I'm older, I'll look back at all of my crowning memories, and think of the day
my children were born, the day I got married, and the day that I met you.

~~Why don't you come over here, sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing
that pops up?

~~You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: if you treat me right I'll do
it your way

~~You know how they say skin is the largest organ? Not in my case.

~~You know the Power company is looking for you coz you're so electrifying.

~~You know, I ain't this tall. I'm just sitting on my wallet.

~~You're like a Pringle. Once I pop ya, I just can't stop ya

~~As you walk by, turn around and say: Excuse me, did you just touch my ass? No.
Damn!

~~I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

~~Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.

~~Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

~~Do you have any Irish in you? (if no…) Would you like some? (if yes…) Want some
more?

~~Shall we talk or continue flirting from a distance?

~~Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?

~~Do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blow-job? [No!] Do you want to
do lunch?

~~Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? (No.) Do you
wanna go upstairs and talk.

~~Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?

~~I'm a frog but if u kiss me I'll turn into a prince

~~Excuse me, I am about to go home to masturbate and needed a name to go with the
face.

~~Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?

~~For a fat chick, you sure have small tits.

~~Gee, for a fat girl you sure don't sweat much.

~~Go up to a girl, ask her: "Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?" She
says no. Then wink.

~~Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

~~Hi, I've been undressing you with my eyes all night long, and think it's time to
see if I'm right.

~~Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, lets
talk"

~~Nice dress, it'd look good on my bedroom floor

~~Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two
fingers?" (I don't know.) "Cause they're mine sweetheart."

~~I don't know what you think of me, but I hope it's X-rated.

~~I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl
smile. So, would you smile for me?

~~I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!

~~If a women asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" You should answer: "Yeah! Do
you have the energy?"

~~The only thing that matters is that we're together.

~~I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start. .

~~Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

~~Is you father a lumberjack Because when ever I look at you, I get wood in my pants.

~~I've just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your
G-spot.

~~Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here.

~~Say, did we go to different schools together?

~~The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.

~~There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can't take them off you.

~~Wait until the end of the evening when everything is real hazy and alcohol soaked,
walk up to someone you've never met and say, "Come on, we're leaving."

~~You see my friend over there? He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.

~~You know, you're very easy on the eyes...and very hard on my erection.

~~Want to come into the garden see my big juicy tomatoes?

~~Want to come into the garden see my big hard cucumbers?

~~You are so beautiful that I would crawl ten miles on my hands and knees through
broken glass just to jerk off in your shadow.

~~Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?

~~Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

~~I'm bigger and better than the Titanic ... only 200 woman went down on the Titanic

~~I'm good at maths, U+I=69

~~I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not
I'm allergic to sex.

~~If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

~~If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put you between F and CK

~~Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac's.

~~Please help the homeless. Take me home with you...

~~Wanna come and see my Hard Drive? Babe, I promise you it ain't 3.5 inches and it
sure ain't floppy.

~~What's a nice girl like you doing with a face like that?

~~Will you be my Xmas cracker? I'd really like to pull you.

~~Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?

~~You are a 9.999. Well, you'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.

~~You're good at mathematics, right? Would you say 69 was a perfect square?

~~Your Daddy must have been a Baker, cos you got the nicest set of buns I've ever
saw.

~~Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend?

~~I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle.

~~Grab yer bag Doll...you've just pulled...

~~I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest lady on earth tonight.

~~If beauty were an hour, you'd be a second.

~~There's just one thing your eyes haven't told me yet....you're name.

~~Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them
in your eyes.

~~What time do you have to be back in heaven?

~~Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?

~~You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.

~~You are so beautiful that I want to be reincarnated as your child so that I can
breastfeed by you until I'm 20.

~~You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.

~~You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar raise!

~~You're like milk, I just wanna make you part of my complete breakfast

~~Be unique and different, say yes.

~~Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

~~Hi, my name is {name}, how do you like me so far?

~~Hi. Are you cute?

~~I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.

~~I'm easy. Are you?

~~I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

~~I'm trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not
I'm allergic to sex.

~~Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.

~~So....How am I doin'?

~~Do you have a boyfriend? No. Want one?

~~I think about you when I masturbate.

~~Are we related? Do you want to be?

~~Can you say constantinople backwards? Me neither, but I just wanted to ask.

~~Can you spell ICUP. I-C-U-P. You saw me pee.

~~Do you know how to use a whip?

~~Excuse me, do you live around here often?

~~Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.

~~Hey babe...can you suck a golf ball thru 50 feet of garden hose?

~~Hey babe...can you suck start a Harley?

~~Hi, I just wanted to give you the satisfaction of turning me down; go ahead say no.

~~Hold out two fingers and say: "Why should a woman masturbate with these two
fingers?" (I don't know.) "'Cause they're mine sweetheart."

~~I am very, very lonely, and I was wonderin'...

~~I know a great way to burn off the calories in that pastry you just ate.

~~I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.

~~I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

~~If I could be anything, I'd love to be your bathwater.

~~Like the look of your crotch.

~~Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was wondering if
you'd mind if I fantasize about you?

~~Pardon me miss, but I help noticing that you have cum in your hair.

~~Really like your peaches, wanna shake your tree.

~~Excuse me, but I DO think it's time we met.

~~Of course there's lots of fish in the sea, but you're the only one I'd love to
catch and mount back at my place.

~~Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back.

~~How was Heaven when you left it?

~~You are so beautiful that you give the sun a reason to shine.

~~Honey, you give new meaning to the defintion of 'edible'.

~~I think I can die happy now, coz I've just seen a piece of heaven.

~~You must be going to hell, because it is a sin to look that good.

~~You should be someone's wife.

~~Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine.

~~You've made me so nervous that I've totally forgotten forgotten my standard pick-up
line.

~~Excuse me, I just noticed you noticing me and I just wanted to give you notice that I noticed you too.

~~Is your name Gillette? ...coz you're the best a man can get.

~~If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I would be walking through my garden forever.

~~It's not my fault I fell in love. You are the one that tripped me.

SMS Kiss

  • A peach is a peach.a plum is a plum.a kiss aint a kiss unless its wiv tongues.so open ur mouth & close ur eyes & give ur tongue some exercise

  • Kissing you baby is my dream.Im the strawberry & ur the cream.Handle me gently keep me real keen.U & i together babes is passion so extreme!

  • wot kisses mean!KISS ON HAND=i adore u KISS ON CHEEK=lets b friends KISS ON NECK=i want u KISS ON LIPS=i luv u KISS ANYWHERE ELSE=...lets not get carried away!

  • Kisses blown r kisses wasted.kisses rnt kisses unless they r tasted.kisses spread germs and germs r hated.but u can kiss me baby im vaccinated

SMS Marriage Quotes

☻Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence....(a life sentence!).


☻Marriage is a 3-ring circus - engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.


☻A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.


☻A woman was telling her friend , "It was I who made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend.
The woman replied, " A multi-millionaire".


☻There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
Her explanation - "If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels."


☻Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.


☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.


☻Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time!


☻Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole


☻The definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the husband with the dishes...


☻The Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do. The Minister told her that she only needed to remember 3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding march, family and friends of the groom were horrified to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)


☻Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.


☻A little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for it..."


☻There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through Hell!!!


☻I've got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...


☻Q: Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.


☻One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."


☻What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving


☻Marriage - an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.


☻After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."


☻I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx


☻I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again. - Noel Coward


☻Behind every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson


☻The most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T. Coleridge


☻A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor


☻A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. - Michel de Montaigne


☻Marriage changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a relative. - Unknown


☻Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.


☻Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women. - Marion Smith


☻There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran


☻The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him - Oscar Wilde


☻An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. - Agatha Christie


☻Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams


☻A husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.


☻They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. - Clint Eastwood


☻There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint Eastwood


☻The most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake - Unknown.


☻A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. - Marvin Kitman


☻Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx


☻After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. - Hemant Joshi


☻A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson


☻The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry Youngman


☻Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae West


☻The trouble with some woman is that they get all excited about nothing, and then marry him - Cher


☻I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late. - Max
Kauffmann


☻I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli


☻I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker


☻When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry


☻Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin


☻Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus


☻By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates


☻A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted - Helen Rowland


☻Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck


☻All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. - Lord Byron


☻Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman


☻Marriage is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton


☻My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante


☻I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield


☻I like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean Harlow


☻Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important. - Lisa Hoffman


☻To the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your golden wedding celebrations...


☻To the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better than worse.


☻To the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!


☻Grooms, once you marry, please remember that when you have a discussion with your future wife, always try to get the last two words in: "Yes dear"


☻You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.


☻May the best of your past be the worst of your future


☻Married life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be between the sheets!


☻May the joys you share today, be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment


☻To our wives and lovers...may they never meet!


☻Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your
determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.


☻May you grow old on one pillow.


☻Dear [bride's name],


☻Isn't it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's happening all over again


☻I've known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you


☻Here's to the bride - may she share everything with her husband...and that includes the housework.


☻To the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never fall in and may you both never fall out


☻To the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and remember, this is the first day of the rest of your life...


☻To my wife...my bride...my joy


☻May your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles as light as its foam.


☻May we never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.


☻A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my beautiful bride.


☻May our children be blessed with rich parents


☻Here's to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves me just the same.

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