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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

SMS Chat-up Lines

+++Put your crash helmet on, you're going through the head board.

+++Do you believe in love at first sight...or do I have to walk by again?

+++There's a gap in your life! Mind if I fill it!

+++I'm not Fred Flintstone but I can make your bedrock!

+++Wanna play Pearl Harbor? That's where I lay down and you blow the hell out of me.

+++Hey let's go fuck and do the talking later.

+++Girl, how long have you been in the oven, because I know I felt something rising.

+++Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?

+++Here's 10p ring home and tell your mum that you wont be coming home tonight!

+++I'm new in town, can you give me directions to your flat?

+++Your daddy must have been a hunter because you're a fox!

+++Hey, is your dad a terrorist? Coz baby, you're the bomb!

+++Do you want to go and do what I'm going to tell my mates we did anyway?

+++I looked up sexy in the dictionary today and your name was listed

+++I lost my phone number, can I have yours?

+++Is it hot in here or is it you?

+++Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?

+++If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

+++Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.

+++How about you sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up?

+++I hope you know CPR, 'cause you take my breath away.

+++My face is leaving in fifteen minutes. Be on it.

+++Get your coat love, you've pulled.

+++I didn't believe in angels until I meet you!

+++I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?

+++You are so hot, its girls like you that are the real reason for global warming

+++Hi, how do you like your eggs in the morning? Scrambled or fertilized?

+++Hi, my name's Richard, will you be my Pretty Woman?

+++Have you ever been to the moon ? No ! Sit on my rocket and I will take you there

+++If its cash you’re after drop your drawers and the moneys yours

+++Was you father a cement mixer? Because you sure make me hard.

+++Can you fix watches? Then put 2 hands on that!

+++I'm like Domino's Pizza, if you don't come in 30 minutes the next one is free...

+++You're like a Pringles. Once I pop you, I can't stop you!

+++Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!

+++Do you like jewelry? Suck this, it's a gem!

+++You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

+++do u believe in love at first site or do I have to walk by again

+++if I said u had a hot body would u hold it against me

+++My magical watch says you aren't wearing any underwear!
Oh, you are? It must be an hour fast.

+++"r ur legs tired"? coz uve been runnin through my mined all day

+++There are 256 bones in your body! Would u like another?

+++if i cood re arrange da alphabet i wood put u and i together

+++ive lost my teddy bear.......do u want to sleep with me tonight?

+++is youre father a robber ? well who stole the stars and put them in ure eyes ?

+++U gotta B a parking ticket or something coz u got the word FINE written All over ya!

+++im no fred Flintstone but I’ll make ur bedrock

Thursday, November 15, 2007

SMS Quotes

As a final incentive before giving up a difficult task, try to imagine it successfully accomplice by someone you violently hate

There is no substitute for hard work.

Duty pays you. Safety saves you.

Take time to look- it is price of success

Take time to think-it is a source of power

Take time to read-it is a source of wisdom

Take time to be friendly-it is a way of happiness

Between two evils choose neither. Between two goods, choose both

The shortest way to do many things is to do a single thing at a time.

Think you are well, and all that is well with you. And nature will read your thoughts and make them true

Be true to yourself and others. Do not try to appear better or greater than what you are.

Troubles which are tackled instead of being talked about, disappear like mist before the morning sun

Undertake not what you cannot perform but be careful to keep your promise.

Forget injuries, but never forget kindness

Learn something new each day-keep your eyes, ears and most of your entire mind open.

Pray as if everything depends on work as if everything depends on you.

In success and failure, in sunshine and rain, in prosperity and adversity be at peace with the world and with yourself.

The way you manage your time determines your success or failure as a man.

Honour the chief. There must be a head of everything.

Be glad and rejoice in the other fellow's success. Study his methods.

Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but don't relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.

Do not express dislike for a person when (s)he is not present to offer a defence.

Prayer is the first duty in life; and to plead lack of time for it is an insult to GOD.

Who agree like bell; they want nothing but hanging.

Anger is a short madness. Don't allow it to ruin longstanding reactions.

Nothing is bad but it might have been worse.

Loyalty to friends and loyalty to certain basic principles are essential to success in any sphere.

Instead of feeling inferior because someone else can do something you cannot do, concentrate on what you can do that others cannot.

To be angry is to revenge the fault of others on us

As heat conserved is transmitted into energy, so can anger controlled can be transmitted into a power which can move the world.

Our errors are steps on the way.

A fool may be known by six things :anger without cause, speech without profit, change without progress, enquiry without object, putting trust in a stranger, mistaking foes for friends.
DO YOU HAVE ANY OF THE ABOVE QUALITIES??????

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for wt you are not.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.

You will never find time for any thing. If you want time you must find it.

If you want people to think well of you do not speak well of yourself.

Our prayers should be for blessing in general, for God knows best what is good for us.

If you shed tears when you miss the sun; you also miss the stars.

You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else for it.

ANGER is only one letter shorter than DANGER.

The man who has done less than his best have done nothing.39.The world makes way for the man who knows where he is going.

Think more about what you can make happen than about what happens to you.

Stand for truth even at the expense of losing popularity.

For every minute of anger you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you0D

Failure establishes only this, that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.

Write injuries in dust, benefits in marble.

Be clean in all matters and you will never be ashamed.

Saying "I did not find time " shows you did not WISH to do it.

People who believe a problem can be solved tend to become busy solving it.

If you don't think every day is a good day try missing one!

Learn to hide your heartaches and woes under a pleasant smile.

Every good thought is a star which leads you on, shining in the dark, making your pathway radiant.

Those who do not have goals are doomed to work for those who do.

Be thankful if you have a job that is harder than you like. A razor cannot be sharpened on velvet.

When you long for something, it means you love it.

DON'T ever give up before you have solved the problem you are facing.

Don't say things. What you are stands over you and thunders, so nobody would hear what you say on the contrary.

Think that day lost whose descending son has seen no worthy action done.

We weave a tangled web when we first practise to deceive.

Love is only chatter. Friends are all that matters.

The heart has its reasons, which, reason does not know.

Tomorrow I will live, the fool says. Today is too late. The wise lived yesterday.

It is better to forget and smile rather than remember and be sad.

The more hot arguments you win the more good friends you lose.

Face the situation fearlessly and soon there will be no situation to face.

Mistakes fail in their missin of helping the person who blames them on others.

Do not worry about failure. Worry about all the chances you miss when you don't try.

Be sure you are right and then go ahead.

That sorrow is heavy which bows the head, when love is alive and hope is dead.

The truth that's told with bad intent beats all lies you can invent.

In life knowing how to lose is just as important as knowing how to win.

Think in the morning, do it in the afternoon, eat in the evening, sleep in the night.

If hardwork is you weapon then success will be you slave.

Women's heart is soft but if it becomes hard, a diamond also cannot stand it.

Though you are travelling on the right path, if you take unnecessary breaks others will push you back.

Thankfulness should be expressed, but you shouldn't ask for it.

Love is all in fire and yet freezing,

Love is much in wining , but is more in loosing.

Love is ever sick and yet is never dying,

Love is ever true and yet is ever lying,

Love does oath in liking and is mad in loathing,

Love indeed is everything, yet indeed is nothing.

It is important to follow rules rather than to make rules.

A person in front of whom you dare to be yourself is your true friend.

Never express to the world what you can do. Show the world by doing it.

See that you are needed to at least one person in life.

It is better for us to feel bad rather than to make others feel bad.

What you don't like happening to yourself, don't do it to others.

Miracles do occur, but one has to work hard for them to happen.

Show appreciation of the smallest services by your loved ones and employees.

The higher we are places, the more humble should we walk.

It is attitude rather than your aptitude which determines your altitude.

Don't be reckless with other peoples hearts and don't put on with people who are reckless with yours.

Don't waste your time with jealousy. Sometimes you are ahead, sometimes behind. The race is long and in the end its only with yourself.

Be nice to you sibling. They are your best link to your past.

Understand that friends come and go. But you should hold on to a precious few.

Don't expect anyone else to support you at any point.

Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today.

Be prepared and some day your chance will come.

Watch the sun rise at least once a year.

Be there when people need you.

When I hear someone say "life is heard" I am tempted to ask "compared to what"-Sydney J Harris.

If you are too careful, you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble upon something-Gertrude Stein.

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer-R W Emerson.

Never fear shadows. They simply mean there is some light near by.

Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Shoot for the moon... cause even if you miss you will end up in the stars-Les Brown.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.


I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.


Sarcasm is just one more service we offer


If I throw a stick, will you leave?


You!... Off my planet!

The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat.


Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?


Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.


A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.


Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.


Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.


Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

I'm so unlucky that if I was to fall into a barrel of nipples I'd come out sucking my thumb.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last!

I’m not under d affluence of alcohol as some tinkle peep. I’m not half as think as u drink.

How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated?


Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

What is similar to a woman's period?
Ur salary - coz it comes once a month, last about 5 to 6 day and if it doesn't come it means u r in deep trouble.

Do u ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than u is an idiot and everyone driving faster than u is a maniac?


The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.


I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks


If I told you that you remind me of my mom, would you tuck me in bed tonight?


I'm sweet like sugar, soft like suede, but unlike Nintendo, I never get played.

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Coz they heard every fourth child born is Chinese.


Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.


Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!

"My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father."

"If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?"

"Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines."

"Happiness is sitting down to watch slides of your neighbour’s vacation and finding out he spent two weeks at a nudist colony."

"He who laughs last has not yet heard the bad news."

"At school we had a name for guys who were 'trying to get in touch with themselves'."

"Denial ain't just a river in Egypt."

"Condoms aren't completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus."

"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like."

"It's not the people who are in prison that worry me. It's the people who aren't."

"Mr Anaesthetist, if the patient can stay awake, surely you can."

"There's no bigger fan of the opposite sex than me, and I have the bills to prove it."

"The flashier kind of widow may insist only sleeping with black men during the first year after death."

All I ever wanted is what others have.

Laugh on your one and the world thinks you are an idiot.

A kiss that says it all is seldom a first edition.

Women have usually nothing to wear and no room to put it away!

It is better to be fair than to be popular!

The strongest muscle of the human body is the tongue.

Time is something that makes sure that everything does not happen at the same moment.

Life is not short, it is being dead that lasts such a long time!

I intend to live for ever and so far everything goes well.

I see things the way they are and say: Why? .................. I dream of things that never were and say: Why not?

Life is what happens when you plan to do other things -- John Lennon

Copernicus said:” men with dick in peanut butter is fucking nuts."

Law of Murphy..... Everything that can go wrong, goes wrong sooner or later......Murphy was an optimist.

It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.

A lot of people are in pain out of fear to be happy

A lot of people were never happy because they thought it had yet to come.

A laugh is the shortest distance between two people.

I want to die sleeping, just like my grandfather ..... Not yelling and

He said:” I thank you for the wonderful talk." ... I had only been listening.

When your youngest child needs sex education, you have badly informed your elder children on the subject.

The heart and the brain are neighbours, but they will never be friends.

The present is just as mysterious as the future.

People who do not want to be disturbed, usually already are disturbed.

You can close your eyes for certain facts, but not for the memories.

Friendly words do not have to be long, the echo never dies.

Woman know that they are not that pretty any more when they have nothing to wear.

What do you have to do when you fall into a river with a sign "Forbidden to swim?"

Be yourself, there are enough other people.

SMS Profundities


♣♣Mobile phones are the only things in live of which men talk about having the smallest.

♣♣A lawyer says 'we' won' or 'You' have lost.

♣♣All computers wait at the same speed.

♣♣Real anarchists play chess without kings.

♣♣Monday is one seventh of your life!

♣♣When I was young I begged God for a bike, but God does not work that way... so I stole a bike and begged for forgiveness!
♣♣Aiming to remain good sports, we park as close as possible near the sports centre.

♣♣Money resembles fat... there is plenty of it, but always in the wrong places.

♣♣No-one loves hard work more than the one who pays for it.

♣♣Some people live because it is illegal to kill them!

♣♣Richness has eternal value if we use it to make others happy.

♣♣Everybody wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die...

♣♣There are days that nothing goes your way, but does it help to complain? No, not a bit. So, stand up to it, list all the points and put your shoulders to the wheel, even worries go away.

♣♣Learn to live every moment of happiness, are never too busy to receive or give love.

♣♣We have to make a choice, the truth or the appearances. You can loose yourself if you are never you.

♣♣The sea consists of water drops, the sand dunes of grains of sand, time of moments, use them with common sense!

♣♣Today is the day ... It comes only once- ... because tomorrow ...is no longer today. Enjoy life... it is possible ...but do it today ... because today is the day

♣♣When you yell 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough energy to warm one cup of coffee. ( Niet echt de moeite dus!)

♣♣You can't walk in the light without causing a shadow

♣♣Without the rubber tree the whole world would have AIDS

♣♣If you hit every time the target is too near or too big.

♣♣The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes

♣♣The secret of success lies not in doing your own work but in recognizing the right man to do it.

♣♣People are not afraid of how bad you are, People are afraid of how good you are.

♣♣Trains never follow the schedule, they follow the rails

♣♣The one who asks is a fool for 5 minutes, the one who does not ask, remains a fool for ever

♣♣It is better to know everything of one subject, than to know something of everything.

♣♣The past becomes longer and longer and the future shorter and shorter, the hope in the future is bigger than the regrets for the past

♣♣Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly !

♣♣Getting an other boyfriend or husband is like buying a house. You have to improve yourself.

♣♣When you choose not to make a choice, you do choose because you choose not to choose.

♣♣Life is hard, learn from the mistakes of others and not of your own mistakes !

♣♣When you turn you nose 180 degrees, you would drown when it rains

♣♣Children in the backseat cause accidents... Accidents in the back seat cause children.

♣♣People wasted a lot of time talking about who came first, the chicken or the egg, but it was surely the cock.

♣♣Life is hard, but the front of a train is harder...

♣♣Learn from the mistakes of others... you can't live long enough to make them all yourselves!!

♣♣Life is like toilet paper, long and useful !!!!

♣♣A fart is nothing more than a lost cough.

♣♣One day you will find the woman of your life and at that point you will already be married.

♣♣I only drink to make my wife look prettier.

♣♣It is weird that my nose is running and my feet smell.

♣♣Love is blind, ladies' underwear is brailed

♣♣Love based on beauty, dies along with the beauty.

♣♣Be nice to those who smoke, every cigarette may be their last.

♣♣Boredom was the other word for a safe and undisturbed life.

♣♣Do not keep hanging in the past, do not dream of the future, but concentrate on the present.

♣♣Light is faster than sound. That is why people look intelligent, until you hear them speak.

♣♣All mushrooms are eatable. But some you can only eat once.

♣♣Nature is a miracle. One million years ago no one knew people would wear glasses but our ears are at the right spot.

♣♣A pessimist is someone who believes that women are frivolous. An optimist is someone who hopes for this.

♣♣Every good-bye is the birth of a memory

♣♣Every married man knows why they name hurricanes after women

♣♣Common sense and a sense of humour are the same things but at different speeds. A good sense of humour is just common sense that dances.

♣♣I believe that there is life after death. But I do not think I will live it.

♣♣There are so many things I have to do, that I should better go to sleep.

♣♣You may not be too hard on my secretaries. They are sweet and understanding when I arrive at the office after having a tough day at home.

♣♣Only 17% of all traffic accidents was caused by drunk drivers, so the other 83% was caused by, yes you got it....the sober ones among us!!

♣♣What do you have in common with your husband ? " We married on the same day."

♣♣Good advice, whatever happens, make it look like to intend to.

♣♣Words of a client in an antique shop: do you have anything new ?


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